When Was the War of 1812?

The answer to when the war of 1812 seems pretty obvious.  It seems about as obvious as the answer to the question “Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?”  But the truth involves a government coverup and a conspiracy to change our dating system.  It sounds incredible and that’s because it is.  The war of 1812 actually occurred in 1811 but no one realizes it.

Going back to the year 1808 the government began a top secret program to produce an undetectable underwater boat.  Of course we know these machines better as submarines.  The problem had to do with the materials.  Wood, just like witches, floats.  Monty Python has taught us that.  If you build a submarine out of wood, what you’re left with is a boat because the blasted thing just sits on top of the water.  Attempts to make the wooden submarine sink were successful.  Drilling holes into the deck managed to sink the submarine with relative ease.  Unfortunately it never resurfaced which was a great problem for the project as well as the 15 fiften scientists on board who devised the bright idea of drilling holes in their boat in order to sink it and turn it into a submarine.

Next came experiments with metal.  The lead submarine sunk like a lead balloon, or more literally, a lead boat.  Similar results came from experiments using steel, iron, and aluminum.  There was some promise shown from the golden submarine but it strangely disappeared one night.  The project manager blamed an alien invasion for stealing the submarine shortly after building a house containing solid gold fixtures.  An investigation into the incident yielded no results as three investigators all suddenly retired after taking the case, each stating that they had decided they had made enough money and wanted to spend more time with their families.

Finally, scientists had a flash of brilliance.  Since wood floated and metal sunk, they would combine the two in hopes of creating a neutrally bouyant machine that would be able to float or sink as needed.  The combination of the two for such a purpose was too much for the universe to handle however.  A hole was ripped in the space time continuum and completely destroyed the year of 1810.  This is why you don’t know of anything important that happened in the year of 1810.  The year never happened.

The government feared that people would begin to suspect that they were behind the destruction of an entire year and that people would look into the experiments with an underwater boat.  To distract the public they goaded England into a war.  Fortunately England was still sore about the revolution thing and responded eagerly, playing right into the government’s hands.

To further distract and confuse people into forgetting that the year of 1810 had been destroyed the United States used the phony war as source of their national anthem.  Considering this, it is not a surprise that the Star Spangled Banner which was written during the war of 1812 was not actually written until 1814.  (Go ahead and click on the link, this part is absolutely true).  Thus the war which was only significant for a song written two years after the name of the war took place one year before the name of the war.  When was the war of 1812?  Exactly when one would suspect it to be – 1811 because 1810 had been destroyed.